How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
