Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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