it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize