dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
