I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
