We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
