Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
