Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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