20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
