I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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