you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
