Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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