Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
