Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
