i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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