It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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