dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
