I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
