Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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