She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
