Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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