Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady

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  (202): i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady http://tfl.nu/uziv
  Replies (21) Good night (1800) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

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  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (868) Bad night (3846) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free

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  (410): college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free http://tfl.nu/786e
  Replies (18) Good night (3145) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (7096) Bad night (1189)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

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  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8595) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

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  (775): I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... http://tfl.nu/9wf7
  Replies (28) Good night (5122) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

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  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (6040) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.

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  (973): My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year. http://tfl.nu/yrzl
  Replies (10) Good night (1766) Bad night (3118) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

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  (661): I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight http://tfl.nu/99ir
  Replies (11) Good night (2634) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off

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  (603): she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off http://tfl.nu/ws61
  Replies (7) Good night (4973) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.

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  (618): I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list. http://tfl.nu/7l9z
  Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.

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  (304): Malt liquor mondays...better in theory. http://tfl.nu/6cjj
  Replies (2) Good night (707) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I rest my case.

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  (720): ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO. (1-720): Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving. (720): I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW. (720): I rest my case. http://tfl.nu/ktzi
  Replies (10) Good night (1918) Bad night (340)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"

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  (616): We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!" http://tfl.nu/th1o
  Replies (12) Good night (1776) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.

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  (503): Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her. http://tfl.nu/s4rs
  Replies (0) Good night (685) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt

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