i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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