we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
