My room smells like vodka and shame
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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