I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
