my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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