we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
