Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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