I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
