Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize