If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
