Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
