I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
