I could have mohawked her pubes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.