I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.