Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can