ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.