U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
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How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?