yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!