My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
