i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
