i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
