the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
