Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
