I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
