I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
