I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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