You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You made out with two different species that night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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