I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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