then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
how drunk are you?
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