yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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