let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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