I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
That moment when youโre at the doctor to give a sperm sample youโre only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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