TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
