upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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