she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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