The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
