I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
