i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
