I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
